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Three Tips for Single Mothers by Choice

by Laura Gately

Thousands of brave women have chosen to become a Single Mother by Choice (SMC), which is defined as“a single woman who decides to become a mother, knowing that she will be the sole parent of her child – at least at the outset,” according to the Single Mothers by Choice organization. While each of these women have their own reason for choosing this path, I can assure you each woman is brave and to be admired. I witnessed a dear friend who chose this path and the miracles that happened in her life since.

Given my experience with and observation of this group, I thought it helpful to share three tips for those of you who are considering or have also chosen this path. Let’s face it – it is a brave, but challenging journey.

Woman holding toddler while talking on the phone and making notes

Select the Right Clinic

The most common frustration Single Mothers by Choice express about clinics is constantly being asked “where their partner is.” As SMCs, you have a lot on your plate and as a result, need to surround yourself with all the positive and supportive things you can.

While a list of clinics who do not specialize in working with SMCs does not exist, there are things you can do.

  • Step 1: If insurance covers fertility and make a list of covered doctors in your area.

  • Step 2: Check out our free resource (sign-in required) about selecting your fertility clinic based on patient ratings and success rates to further narrow your choices.

  • Step 3: Reach out to the SMC community and gain insight on who they may recommend from your list. (Some like to skip right to step 3!)

Understand your coverage

While more and more companies and States are covering fertility diagnostics and treatments, unfortunately, SMCs are not always technically infertile. As a result, coverage may not apply. Speak to your company, clinic, and possibly insurance carrier to better understand what situations are covered. Financial preparation is key - it takes an average of 2.7 IVFs to get pregnant. This and the support you will need to outsource will add up quickly.

Build your support system

The Single Mothers by Choice organization along with SMC-specific Facebook groups have proven to be incredible resources. The Single Mothers by Choice organization has the following:

  • Groups/information based on the stage you are in, where stages include Thinking, Trying, Pregnancy, and Mothering.

  • Weekly blog

  • Membership option

  • Counseling by experts

We commend you for your bravery and wish you all the best in your journey.